"ever since i was young lad," says archibald drexel, "i have understood the importance of style, poise and grace in a man's demeanor. it has been my dream for years to start a school where i could pass on my wisdom, charm and natty dressing habits."
starting early next year [2008], mr. drexel will realize that dream with the opening of his international finishing school for boys and young men, located in barcelona, spain, on the via del gran gusano (just south of the church of our lady of imminent domain). the school's mission is to "mold clumsy boys into dashingly virile men," and its curriculum is based largely on mr. drexel's extensive necktie collection.
due to the time and effort necessary to start an international finishing school for boys and young men, mr. drexel has officially resigned his position as accordionist, composer and fashion consultant for alacartoona.
"we are truly sad to see a man of such raw suavity leave our city, let alone our group," says ruby falls, singer for alacartoona. "however, we understand why he needs to do this. his brilliance must be shared, that it might live on long after all of us are gone."
says mr. drexel, "the members of alacartoona have been so supportive of my dream. in fact, other than providence forge—who is banned from the campus by spanish law—all of my former band mates have been offered positions at the school."
says providence forge, "maybe if I grow I beard, the police wouldn't recognize me."
adds bachelor calwood, "while the offers were quite generous, we have decided that our place is here with alacartoona. we wish archibald all the success in the world. and we wish that we could be the young boys that he's going to be touching."
with mr. drexel's departure, a glorious chapter in the history of alacartoona comes to a close.
"but the novel isn't over!" says ruby falls. "alacartoona loves to tease. just when you think she's brought you to the climax of the story, she changes it up, throws you a slow ball. she makes you wait for it."